In this episode of Richer Soul with Rocky Lalvani, I sit down and talk honestly about what it means to grow up in a “respectable” middle-class home that was, in reality, a dangerous place. I share how years of childhood sexual abuse and trafficking were hidden under the veneer of education, status, and community respectability, and how as a kid you have no idea that your “normal” is actually toxic. You are just trying to survive the day.
Rocky and I get into how men process trauma differently from women, and why most traditional therapy settings do not work well for men. I explain why men tend to open up shoulder to shoulder, not face to face: on road trips, at the range, walking a beach with a cigar in hand. I tell the story of how a mate dragged me to Florida, poured me a drink, and gave me enough space and time that, after 45 minutes of small talk, I finally said, “There’s this thing…”
That one conversation has been going for 15 years, and it is a model for how men actually heal.
We also talk about the uncomfortable realities of child sexual abuse and trafficking, especially of boys, and how often the perpetrators are women. I share why parents must give themselves permission to be parents again: take the phone, protect the borders of the home, and stop pretending this is someone else’s problem. The conversation widens out into border policy, modern slavery, and why I see trafficking first as a humanitarian crisis, not a political talking point.
From there, Rocky and I trace what happened when my memories came back in my forties, how “John 1.0” blew up overnight, and what it looked like to lose my marriage, ministry, business, and health all at once. We talk about rebuilding from a mattress on the floor to a life where I am finally happy, married to a good woman, writing books, running the Phoenix Collective, and focusing on performance mindset instead of just pathology. I share why I believe success is about living from the inside out, aligning purpose, mission, vision, and values, and making small, relentless changes over time.
We finish with practical wisdom for young men, a few blunt truths about resilience and authenticity, and an invitation to step into your own refinement, not stay defined by your worst day.
Huge thanks to Rocky Lalvani and the Richer Soul podcast for having me on and holding space for this conversation.
Lets Connect Dr. John A. King (Th.D.) and on Social @drjohnaking.
